im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
