Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
