We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
