Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
where are my eyebrows?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
