cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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