Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
two words...techno handjob
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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