I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
