were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
