It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
