Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
