Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
