he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
