Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
