I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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