I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
