i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
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