U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
