Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
