Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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