Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
