how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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