What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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