I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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