I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
