There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
