i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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