I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
