I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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