What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize