I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
