I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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