i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
