Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
