We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You're like the curious george of whores
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Drunk is not a location!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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