: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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