I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
