Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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