He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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