im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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