You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
