true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
