Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
