Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
