i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
