We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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