Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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