$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
