Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
