ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Come back. Shots need mouths.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
