Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
