Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
