she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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