just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
