you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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