guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
