now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
being pregnant is like rehab
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
