I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
