if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
