Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
