My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
