The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
