Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
