I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
