how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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