omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize