Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
