Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize