im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
