Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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