And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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