Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize