I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
