We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
