my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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