My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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