A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
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