Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
