Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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