Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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