I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he's gonorrhea incarnate
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
