Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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