Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize